i like you

Dear Soulmate,

How do you go from simply introducing yourself to someone to being in a relationship with them?

I often wonder this when I pass happy couples holding hands and laughing. I suppose the easiest answer to my question would be ‘time.’ But it’s much more than that. It’s a complicated web of emotions, a mind-boggling analysis of body language, a heart-racing interpretation of chemistry, and a host of other factors. 

Though it’s easy to pick up a relationship how-to guidebook or simply observe people’s interactions, I wonder if we are all just putting off the inevitable- just saying, “I like you.”

I look back at all my other realtionships and they have stemmed from a commonality- being at the same place at the same time. The majority of myrelationships were built upon a careful construction of friendship and attraction simply by getting used to that other person.

But I wonder, how many people just bypassed all the courtship and cut right to the chase. Why not just tell someone you are interested in them? I give this advice to my friends all the time- even if they are unaware if he or she already has a girlfirend or boyfriend.

And I wonder, how will we meet? Will it develop over a period of time, while knowing all along that we are right for each other? Or will it be instant? I am not sure which one is better and doubt if one method is more successful over the other.

But rather than delay the inevitable, think about how much easier it would be to just say, “I think I like you?”

And now, as I consider doing just the same to the boy I have referred to as ‘Thursday,’ I realize how much fun the alternative is.

And so once more I stand hopeful on the edge of love- wondering where it may take me.

Love, R

“love is a long road”

Dear Soulmate,

You know that feeling when everything is brand new? When you don’t know how many siblings they have, where they go when they want to be alone, what their favorite movies are, or how it took so long to finally find them?

I’m alluding to that beautiful feeling of blind infatuation.

And it’s funny, too, because I have always found comfort in those relationships where I have grown up with the other person. I have stubbornly resisted those people who have only witnessed my life in the one-dimensional, such as only seeing me in my school-life, for example. For some reason that I can only attribute this habit to the fact that I am a romantic and refuse to let go of my past, even at the expense of meeting new people who may become my future.

But when you involuntarily develop intrigue for another person, all rules seem to get broken. You find yourself looking ahead, dreaming, wondering what may become of your newfound love interest. And this is a beautifully enchanting outlook.

So for the first time, in a long time, I have found myself looking ahead with optimism rather than dwell in the shadows of my past where love took different turns and led to changes of heart. And the difference between either direction feels like lifetimes.

The road ahead looks sunny, the kind of road that is periodically splashed by the shadows of trees whose summer canopy’s shade the road. It is the kind of road you just want to drive with all the window’s down and the radio turned up to your favorite song.

It is the kind of road that you envison yourself driving while your lover sits beside you, just enjoying the ride.

Love, R

sweep me off my feet

Dear Soulmate,

You never know when love will find you, so it doesn’t hurt to be on your toes. But then again, they say it creeps up when you least expect it. This is perhaps where the whole “sweep you off your feet” idea came into being.

As I walked the sun-drenched streets of Boston yesterday, basking in what felt like a clear sign of early spring, I could not help but feel alive and energized. The night that had promised me so many beautiful dreams had only let me down. But that was in the past now. A new day had already begun, and with it a came a new feeling of self-worth and appreciation.

I won’t lie, I think I have developed a mild infatuation with this guy who goes to my school. I will call him ‘Thursday’ simply because that is when he first introduced himself to me at one of our weekly meetings. And to be honest, it has been so long since I have had a crush on someone that everything feels new and exciting all over again.

I always refer to this stage as ‘pre-love,’ but what it really is is a mezmorizing period of uncertainties. It is like solving an impossibly difficult math problem with too many unknown variables. But unlike my relationship with math, this kind of problem is far more intriguing.

You know that feeling where suddenly you become concious of yourself? When suddenly you wonder if you are standing upright, if your legs are crossed the right way, if your hair is positioned just how you like it? You know that pivotal moment when you can feel the uncertainty of where to place your hands and how to articulate your thoughts?

For the first time in a long time I felt that feeling- that nervous first impression stage where you so desperately want to be noticed, but at the same time want to remain anonymous, quietly observing the beauty of your surroundings.

I walked home under the most dazzling azure winter sky last night. The pale glow from the sun still burned in the west as the opposite horizon remained quiet, bathed in deeper shade of blue and reflected over the Charles River with the same color.  

I could feel love come at me from all directions- although not entirely sure from where.

Love, R