raining in new york

Dear Soulmate,

It’s raining here in New York. It’s been raining for an entire week. The streets are slick and the parks are lush in their new green coats. Umbrellas parade down the avenues and rain boots create ripples in the puddles where they stand.

He called me yesterday to see if we could talk. It seems the perfect weather to do so. It’s the kind of weather that’s synonymous with apologies and goodbyes, but I can no longer afford to be that girl who waits for the rain to let up.

Instead, I kept with my routine and went for a run along the Hudson River. An old friend of mine asked me to meet him for happy hour drinks later, and I suggested a bar where one of the bartenders caught my eye earlier this week… much to my date’s dismay.

But if I’ve learned anything from the past, it’s that you can’t let the rain dictate the way you go about your day any more than you can let upsets in love. There are too many beautiful things to look forward to.

And if you don’t believe me, wait until the sun comes out.

Love Love, R

“i hope he’s a really good guy”

Dear Soulmate,

“I hope he’s a really good guy.”

That’s what he wrote to me last week after learning over e-mail that I found someone new. That’s what he wrote from New Zealand to New York.

I sat at my computer, watched the rain fall outside my apartment window, hoping that he would say more than that.

And is he a good guy?

Yes. But this morning he lied about something and the trust between us wavered. I turned over in bed, putting my back to him. He tried to kiss me. He tried to make up for his mistake. He tried to apologize.

Somehow though, his apologies went unanswered, echoing down the long hallway of regret.

We had a cup of coffee and walked to the subway.

I didn’t have much to say this morning. I’m tired and disappointed. I want more than ever to send an e-mail to New Zealand from New York, saying you are the one who has me so completely. You are the one who has me thinking of you on this cold, rainy sidewalk on 7th Avenue, looking into the eyes of someone I do not feel as strongly for.

But I won’t send an e-mail, maybe just this post out into the void, hoping that someone somewhere will believe in love amidst all this noise.

I walked back to my apartment, climbed the stairs to my door. I feel alone again, halfway around the world from love.

Love Love, R

coffee and rain

Dear Soulmate,

It’s hard to believe that September is nearly over. Already the days are falling shorter and I can feel winter on the rise.

I spent last week in New York City, running around Central Park, getting lost in the frenzy of the subways and looking for you. I found solace on the benches in the park where messages of love were engraved on golden plaques. It’s always the simple things like reading these dedications that make the madness of even the most energizing city a bit more bearable.

Right now I’m sipping coffee and wondering where you might be. Sometimes I imagine you sitting at your computer in idle thought, other times enraptured in conversation, so removed from your surroundings.

Wherever you are, on this rainy afternoon, I think how wonderful it would be to hear your voice and see you smile.

Missing you, always.

Love Love, R

a few good men?

Dear Soulmate,

I am going to be honest when I say that it is sometimes difficult to believe that there are good men out there.

As I walked out of North Station today some guy approached me asking for a dollar for the T. When I told him I only had a credit card he added, “you’re really pretty, do you have a boyfriend?”

And had he not looked like the kind of guy who would say that to anyone walking down the street, I may have been more inclined to consider it remotely if not slightly flattering.

But as I walked home I could not help but be convinced that all men are only after one thing. And if there are any women out there like me, I keep that under lock and key.

Needless to say Boston’s dreary and drizzly overcast today did anything but help elevate my mood to some level of normalcy.

I cannot help but feel like Carrie Bradshaw today in Sex and the City when she states that she is like a fly strip for dysfunctional men.

Perhaps I should have never left my house today.

Missing you, R

under the covers

Dear Soulmate,

I know he is not right for me. I wake up every morning and go through the motions of my morning routine, counting all the reasons why I deserve someone better. By the time I have lingered long enough in the hallway, brushing my teeth while aimlessly wandering through the door frames of other rooms, I conclude that heartbreak should not last this long. No one should have to endure this.

I have heard it countless times and agree that the best way to get over someone is to meet someone else. But as circumstance would have it, there is no one else at the moment. And there has not been someone else for a long time.

So now I wonder, what do I do in the in between?

It was raining when I woke up this morning- the kind of rain that falls hard and softens the landscape. I pulled the covers over my head after glancing at the clock across the room that glowed with the time of 7am. Who gets up this early on a morning like this? Then I realized, as I mechanically threw back my warm covers and placed my bare feet on the hardwood floor below me, I do.

But how wonderful would it be to wake up beside someone who makes you want to start the day with radiant energy, even if the sun has decided not to. How wonderful it must be to feel that stinging sensation of happiness like the warmth of the sun on even the darkest, gloomiest of days.

But right now, as I sip my morning coffee and dread the thought of opening up my umbrella to step outside again, I realize that being alone, without you, is not all that bad. You will see, one day when we meet, that all this time apart has made me stronger and more able to appreciate the time I have with you.

And how wonderful that will be, someday.

All my love, R

nice to meet you- the thought of you

Dear Soulmate,

Spring is almost here. I can hear the birds begin their song in the morning, lingering outside my window long enough to make me believe the weather is warmer but short enough to remind me that it will take its time.

I went for a run along the harbor today. The overcast sky was oppressive and the broken clouds off in the distance told me that the sun would shine once more in time. Still, I wish it had rained.

I wish it had poured, the kind where you sleep in late and watch the sheets of rain casade down the windows while you lay in bed. I remember these mornings. I remember feeling complete and alive, finally realizing how beautiful life can truly be. I remember when even the rain made me happy.

But that was a different time, before I met you or the thought of you.

They say that people will be attracted to you when you are at your happiest. This makes sense of course- it is easy to find happiness attractive in anyone. But I have often found that when I finally reach that state of complete bliss, that someone always has to come along and let me down again. I then find myself with the conflicted decision not to get close to anyone for fear of them destructing my own happiness.

But I realize how selfish that sounds. I also realize that not letting someone in on such counts means risking never finding a greater kind of happiness. And there is no greater happiness than being in love. Or, is there?

Chocolate, perhaps?

Love Always, R

p.s. submit your own letter to your soulmate, what do you have to say?

friday night shuffle

Dear Soulmate,

What do Fridays mean to you?

Do you like to unwind after a long week at a bar, at home or somewhere difficult to get to that requires a long distance drive?

In a recent news report I read how people’s personalities can be broken down simply by the things they Google. I figure that people’s typical Friday night plans perhaps reveal the same about them.

Even when I don’t go out on a Friday, there is enough energy around me to make me feel that I have. Traffic streams into the city, pouring into the one-way streets and melding into strips of red and white lights down the city’s more busier routes.

With the holidays quickly approaching, the incentive to see Boston in all its seasonal decor only heightens.

It is easy to get lost in the busy shuffle of people coming and going, like standing in a crowded airport terminal.

Sometimes just walking through the city at this time of year on Friday nights feel very much like Christmas eve. There is a hint of promise and excitement that hangs off the bare tree branches, threaded with strings of dazzling lights. There is something optimistic in the way skaters glide around the common’ s rink, moving together in the same circular direction.

It’s comforting to say the least- like seeing an old friend again. And it’s a lot like being in love.

Finally, as I sit here and write to you,  the sun has finally poured its rays onto the rain slicked streets. After days of being blanketed by a drenching rain and dark clouds, its long overdue appearance is most definitely welcomed.

I hope you have a wonderful Friday, whatever your plans may be. If I don’t see you then just know that I always wish you the best of everything in the world.

Love, R

timeless

Dear Soulmate,

Rainy, mildly warm days like today make me want to stroll through art galleries and museums- or at least wish I had the time for such endeavors.

It’s always amusing how the end of the year turns into a frantic shuffle- like we are all trying to pack the rest of 2008 into a few jumbled weeks of running errands and making sure we find that perfect gift for everyone who made our year so special.

The end of the year for me is more of a quiet time, a reflective time.

Because a lot goes on in a year that no one really remembers until it’s over.

Picture your new year’s resolution, your birthday, where you went for valentine’s day, or even that perfectly wonderful, ordinary day where everything fell into the right place. Where were you when spring shifted into summer? Do you remember the conversation with an old friend that made you laugh and made you think how grateful you are to have them in your life? Think back to the telephone calls, the e-mails, the letters you may have not expected to arrive in your mailbox, addressed to you.

In all of this, I bet you remember love.

Because it’s timeless.

I hope that as the year draws to a close that you remember more than just the holidays- that you remember everything so that you may look back on 2008 with fondness and recall all the wonderful things, however great or small, that made your year truly spectacular.

Love, R

are you ready?

Dear Soulmate,

I am always intrigued when people ask others if they are ready for something, particularly love. What I find more fascinating is the response to this question.

Over Sunday morning coffee with an old friend I began to wonder, is anybody ready for love?

As the rain outside started to turn into a snowy drizzle, I sat across from my friend who argued that you have to go out looking for love if you ever hope to find it.

But I believe my odds of finding love are the same regardless if I am standing in a crowded bar or wandering alone alongside the ocean. There are no great ways to increase your chances of finding love. It finds you.

While I did not agree with my friend on many of the points he made, we did agree that timing is everything, which begs my original question, how then, can one be ready?

The most simple answer is that you can never be ready to fall in love any more than you can be ready for any of the other curve balls that life throws at you. Think for a moment how dull life would be if you were ready for most everything that came your way. You would be completely unsurprised and where there was once mystery and excitement there’s instead dullness and predictability.

That is perhaps what makes love all the more fascinating; the twists and turns, expecting the unexpected, never knowing who you will meet and when you will meet them.

To return to my friend’s argument, there is certainly logic in the rational that going out every weekend will greatly increase one’s chances of meeting someone special. But how uninteresting and mundane it would be to be to sweep someone off their feet when they see it coming.

The really great love stories are the ones you never really expected to read, in places you never really expected to find.

So then the question remains, are you ready for a good story?

Love, R

under my umbrella

Dear Soulmate,

Alas, my favorite time of day; when I can sit down at my computer and its just you and me. Although I strongly dislike the impersonality of Facebook, MySpace and other online social networks, I somehow find writing to you on this level exceptionally intimate. I feel so close to you when I write these letters.

As I read the newspaper headlines today I couldn’t help but think that if one man successfully found a way to finally unite the nation across racial lines, then I will one day find a way to you. Anything is possible.

This afternoon I would have loved nothing more than sitting in a cafe with you talking about politics over coffee while watching the rain fall. Perhaps later we could have sat at a cozy bar someplace where the glow of candles reflect off the polished mahogany counter and laughter resonates over relaxing music.

As the days draw shorter and the weather colder, I feel less inclined to pass my time outdoors. On days like today when the wind shakes wet leaves from their trees and sends them to stick to the sidewalks, I feel autumn quickly slipping away, and I am powerless to stop it.

The thought of you walking down the sidewalk with me under an umbrella, laughing and jumping in puddles, instills in me that warmth and beauty of summer that I long for all year long.

And so I watch as the seasons change while I walk alone under my umbrella, wondering where winter will find ourselves.

All my love, R