how do you react?

Dear Soulmate,

Whenever I come across a relationship roadblock, I try to voice my opinions as maturely and rationally as possible. I’ve never been one to break dishes, raise my voice, or slap someone for their indiscretions.

What I haven’t learned yet, is how to find the middle ground. I’m the quiet extreme. If something bothers me in a relationship, I have no problem confronting it and telling my partner exactly how I feel, yet I do so in a passive way that might make someone feel as though it wasn’t that big of deal, when in reality, it is to me.

How do you react? If someone does something that breaks your trust or makes you feel betrayed, what’s the best way to get vindication?

I suppose what I’m really asking is how you get what you want from someone in a way that’s neither vengeful, or on the other extreme, passive.

When you’ve been seeing someone for five months, you develop a kind of trust and comfortability with them. So naturally when they do something that steps themselves out of bounds and into the “dealbreaker” arena, it’s normal to feel upset.

He called today to see how I was. He said he missed me. I was fine this morning until I heard his voice. I told him to have a good rest of the day and it wasn’t until after I hung up that I realized I was crying.

Why do I always feel like I have to suppress my feelings?

Love Love, R

a moment at the cove

Dear Soulmate,

I put on my running shoes Monday morning and let the rhythmn of my feet against the dirt road carry me a few miles down toward a familiar cove.

When I arrived, I stood breathless, watching the morning sun spill out over the calm bay. The water appeared smooth and silky in the morning glow that hovered through wispy layers of clouds overhead. I recalled the cove as it was the day before, when the sun was at its highest point in the sky and the rocky beach was decorated with two pinstriped towels–one for me and one for him.

So much has happened in the past few days… so much has changed but so much has stayed the same. I have so many stories to divulge… the first of which I will in the next post.

Cheers and Love Always… Always Love, R

one morning in maine

Dear Soulmate,

I woke up today to one of those beautifully quiet mornings in Maine. It was the kind of morning where the fog hovers over distant islands and enraptures them in mist.

As I was out running I couldn’t help but imagine them unveiled in the afternoon sun, their rich green coloring reflecting against the contrast of the blue sea. In my head I made out imaginary inlets and peninsulas, although I have memorized each point of every distant island by heart. In the fog though, you can create your own scene as if the horizon offers a blank canvas for you to paint upon.

This is when I think of you. There are so many uncertainties up ahead. I have no idea when and where or even if you will come into my life. I can only imagine the possibilities, where each road may lead. I cannot anticipate the moment when the fog will lift and I will see things more clearly.

But I am certain that it will. Just as the fog burns off into a more beautiful day–the sea dotted once more with triangular sails–there is the certainty that something beautiful lies in the unknown.

The secret is being content enough in the present not to the let the beauty of even a gray morning, leave you feeling like the future will be absent of color.

Love Love, R

p.s. be sure to check out your soulmate, your letter page soon for an upcoming letter! more words are on their way!

winter is over

Dear Soulmate,

Public transportation reminds me that people are always moving. From buses to trains, ferries to planes, I am always assured of people’s easy ability to move on when I am lost in the shuffle.

good morning, boston

Almost every morning I look forward to ordering my cup of Dunkin’ Donuts coffee downtown. I love the mornings in Boston, when the city is just waking up and everyone is frantically rushing about in all directions. I always feel like I am the only one standing still, quietly observing as people hurriedly cross traffic-filled streets.

But with every morning comes an opportunity to do something different, meet somebody new, go someplace unknown. Morning harnesses a different kind of energy that the afternoon and the night lack. It is a radiant and infectious kind of feeling that can best be described as hopeful.

And now, with the first day of Spring officially upon us, there is reason to feel more hopeful than ever before. A new day, a new season, and a chance to hope for brighter, sunnier days.

Because winter is my most dreaded season, one that makes me hibernate both mentally and socially, I feel liberated with the knowledge that the best is yet to come… and perhaps soon.

Happy spring to you. May today be the start of something beautiful.

All my love, R

under the covers

Dear Soulmate,

I know he is not right for me. I wake up every morning and go through the motions of my morning routine, counting all the reasons why I deserve someone better. By the time I have lingered long enough in the hallway, brushing my teeth while aimlessly wandering through the door frames of other rooms, I conclude that heartbreak should not last this long. No one should have to endure this.

I have heard it countless times and agree that the best way to get over someone is to meet someone else. But as circumstance would have it, there is no one else at the moment. And there has not been someone else for a long time.

So now I wonder, what do I do in the in between?

It was raining when I woke up this morning- the kind of rain that falls hard and softens the landscape. I pulled the covers over my head after glancing at the clock across the room that glowed with the time of 7am. Who gets up this early on a morning like this? Then I realized, as I mechanically threw back my warm covers and placed my bare feet on the hardwood floor below me, I do.

But how wonderful would it be to wake up beside someone who makes you want to start the day with radiant energy, even if the sun has decided not to. How wonderful it must be to feel that stinging sensation of happiness like the warmth of the sun on even the darkest, gloomiest of days.

But right now, as I sip my morning coffee and dread the thought of opening up my umbrella to step outside again, I realize that being alone, without you, is not all that bad. You will see, one day when we meet, that all this time apart has made me stronger and more able to appreciate the time I have with you.

And how wonderful that will be, someday.

All my love, R

when he walked into my dreams

Dear Soulmate,

I’m sitting in one of my favorite chairs, sipping tea and am surrounded by a stack of work and projects that demand completion. I have yet to read the Sunday paper- the delay mainly attributed to the fact that I  slept in late for perhaps the first time all year. But I figure it’s the weekend and there is no better time to indulge in good things such as rest and relaxation than on a Sunday morning.

Last night I had the most unusual dream. I dreamt I reunited with the boy who has haunted me in so many unimaginable ways since we took separate roads so many months ago. And last night he returned, asking me back, like he had done so many times before in real life. But his actions were unusual, even for a dream.

All the times I have dreamt about him in the past he has been unresponsive, never acknowledging my presence, always subjecting me to the cold shoulder that leaves me to wake up feeling hurt and conflicted.

But last night when he walked into my dreams, he did not steal the best of me as he usually does. Instead he wanted me, and was begging me to reconcile. And rather than give in, I just stood there and told him it was too late. The damage had already been done and there was no way we could go back to the way we were.

And as much as I wanted to take him back, even concious that I was in a dreamlike state as your mind will sometimes remind you of, I did not even want to go back there. Not even in a dream, where there are no consequences to your actions.

It’s time to move on to other things. It’s a new month afterall. And so I urge you to do the same, and keep in mind one of my most favorite quotes: “You do your thing, I’ll do mine. And if in the end we end up together, it’s beautiful.”

Love, R

an apology in advance

Dear Soulmate,

I never give up on anyone or anything I believe in. I am not giving up on you.

While I am content to reside in the mystery of who you are, I have received many e-mail inquiries as to who I am. As I have mentioned to you before, everything you need to know about me you will learn upon first glance.

But the other things you will learn will take time, and that is simply because love takes time. Things like my infatuation with reading song lyrics, my habitual routine of always making the bed in the morning, my belief that the sun and sea cures everything, and contrary to how many women feel, I don’t mind what the humidity does to my hair.

I am not easy, and I apologize in advance for that. When we fight, please know that I love you. When I walk away, please know that I am here for you. When I tell you I have doubts that we will work out, please know that I am lying to you- and when I start to cry because of how ashamed I am of that please forgive me.

Just know that I have never given up on you, and even if we never meet, I will have at least succeeded in the belief that you are somewhere out there.

Love, R