holiday overload?

Dear Soulmate,

What is it about the holidays that makes people feel compelled to compete for the most spirit as if it were a contest? With so many traditions, is it necessary to complete them all? The most obvious answer is no.

Call me the Grinch or a Scrooge but my idea of Christmas is not wrapped in shiny paper nor muddled in all the chaos of the traditions.

From gingerbread houses, decorated trees, egg nog recipes, advent calendars, neighborhood caroling, staged mistletoe, holiday cards, to gift exchanging have we all lost sight of what we’re really celebrating?

I always find myself in the same position every year–standing in a crowding room filled with family and wondering if next year it will be different. Is it wrong to want to be with someone you love during the holidays? I think not.

While I’m never shy of grateful for being in the presence of family and friends, why does it always feel like somethings missing when it comes down to hanging the garland and stringing lights?

The simplest answer is that the holiday season is genuinely about love–Valentine’s Day on steroids, rather.

The truth is, I miss you. Wherever you may be. Christmas will never be Christmas without you.

Love Love, R

i won’t tell him

Dear Soulmate,

I’m sure I will see him down the road. Maybe in a few years. We might be standing in the same room, or on the same lawn outside when our eyes will meet again. His will light up, as they always do, and he’ll smile warmly. He’ll say he’s had a wonderful time where he’s been, that he’s incredibly happy and that he loves where he is.

It might seem as though no time has passed at all.

As for me, I’ll smile graciously as I’ve done before in the past whenever I look into someone’s eyes and see the reflection of the love I once gave. We’ll make small talk and I’ll tell him about my career–how it was something I’ve always dreamed about pursuing.

And then there will be a few pauses, maybe one or two. Nothing big, but noticeable enough.

I won’t tell him that I thought he was the one, that I’ve never felt that strong of a connection with anyone, and that he and he alone is the only one who made me believe in real love.

Because I’ve learned enough from love to let it be. And after all you seem to hear down the echoes of love’s dark hallways is ‘it wasn’t meant to be,’ you begin to wonder what is.

Love Love, R

i loved you.

Dear Soulmate,

I loved him. I loved him from the moment I saw him. I still recall the way the weight of the summer air hung around us, trapping the twilight long enough for us to call it ours. For a few rare moments, the world seemed to stop spinning.

Where is he now? Where did he go? Why did he leave?

I just learned recently that he is considering staying in New Zealand indefinitely. I’ve always felt that New Zealand would be a terrific escape from the hustle and bustle of everyday life in the States. Lately I’ve been all over trying to find that one place where I feel at home.

When the wheels touched down in Denver last week, I wanted to feel a sense of relief as though I had finally arrived in a place where I belong. Last weekend I touched down in San Francisco… with no sense of belonging, nor urge to return.

I’m back in Boston now, finally realizing that home is wherever love is. I’m at a loss for words because I’m in love with someone who might never come back to me… for no other reason than I was not enough to make him stay.

Love Love, R

the truth about men.

Dear Soulmate,

Maybe it takes a new relationship to make you realize how much you’ve changed in your beliefs about love and all its entanglements. Maybe it’s just growing up and maturing, understanding that it’s not all about the happy ever after but rather just taking each moment as it comes.

Somehow though, I have adopted the worst possible attitude that I always despised in former loves–the out-of-sight-out-of-mind view.

Love knows no distance. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. We’ve all heard those expressions time and time again. Still, it does not necessarily make them true.

Past experiences in heartbreak have taught me not to hold onto anything and to simply let things go.

When I was asked by my grandmother today whether I still had feelings for someone who left to go travel a few months back, I simply said, “not anymore.” It was the first time I acknowledged this out loud. Then I slumped in my chair in disappointment–both about what I had just said and because I felt like I was turning into someone I never wanted to become.

My grandmother finally said, “Well I guess you are finally learning you cannot control men.”

The truth is that I never intended to… I only hung my hopes on the stars that I would be enough to make someone stay.

Love Love, R

p.s. my grandparents celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary tomorrow… my grandmother told me that my grandfather is still very much the love of her life.

let love be.

Dear Soulmate,

It’s one of those gray overcast days in Boston, and although the leaves are changing it’s hard to see their beautiful colors under the weight of my thoughts.

I’ve gone back and forth a lot in my thinking these past few days. I realized today that if all I have were those ten days with that perfectly lovely kind of love at the end of summer, I’m happy.

I’m not holding out for him–that was never my intention. I don’t want anymore promises from him, or anyone, saying that the time will be better down the road.

For the moment I need to let love be, and walk away. I’m not giving up on him, I just cannot hold onto something, or anything, right now.

I’ll admit that it’s hard to share the joy of a long-distance love story with others. I always let their judgment cloud my own. When people tell me that things won’t work out, that he doesn’t deserve me, that I should be with someone who wants to be with me, I always rethink our time together–those summer nights and days when we were inseparable and wanting nothing more than to be with one another.

Part of me wants to be able to go to bed at night without thinking about him or anyone. How simple that would be.

Love Love, R

“because if a guy wants to be with you…”

Dear Soulmate,

If you’re in your early twenties then you already know that it is a roller-coaster.

Tonight I went out for drinks with an old friend. Over a glass of pinot noir I divulged my latest plans, my reasons for not wanted to settle in New York City and a little about a man who lives half a world away yet somehow managed to take a part of my heart with him.

As I sit here and I write, I am reminded of how discouraged I felt upon coming home and replaying our conversation in my head. He said that New York, where he lives and works, was the place for me. He asked me if I was going to Denver, or “running” to Denver… asking if I was escaping people or memories I would otherwise confront by staying on the east coast.

The truth is that I’ve always wanted to head out West. Why not now? Why not in my early twenties when nothing is settled and it seems to make perfect sense?

And then it occurred to me, as I stood in the doorway brushing my teeth and over analyzing every small detail of our conversation, why do I care what someone else thinks?

As much as I love him as a friend for his company and conversation, how far can one go in letting someone else dictate their own life for them?

I turned out the light and headed to my bedroom where I couldn’t help but open my laptop and write to you, dear Soulmate. Because, what really bothers me most about tonight, was what he said about the person who chose to leave me and go travel…

As our conversation ended he told me, “He doesn’t deserve you–this guy who is out traveling. Because if a guy wants to be with you then he will make the effort, no matter the circumstance, to be with you…”

That last sentence was exactly what my dad said to me about the guy who first broke my heart and, after doing so, left me feeling alone enough to write to someone who may or may not exist–a soulmate, perhaps.

Love Love, R

 

sharing love

Dear Soulmate,

Is there anything worse than being in love… and sharing your experiences with others only to have their judgment belittle your own?

I’ve always believed the importance of keeping an open mind and listening to most everyone’s commentary about the things I’m going through. But when it comes to love, I’ve learned to trust my own head and heart. This is why, perhaps, I learned no keep quiet about matters of the heart and choosing only writing it down.

The truth is that other people will keep you grounded. They might sound cynical when they say things might not work out. It’s hard to hold your tongue too and not act discouraged upon hearing them voice their seemingly irrational opinions. It’s ironic too when even the most happily married people doubt the possibility of two people meeting and falling in love.

Shakespeare did write that journeys end in lovers meeting. Can’t it just be that simple? Why does sharing love with others make everything seem so much more complicated?

If you can answer that question then you are much smarter than I.

At the end of the day though, I’ll stand by my conviction that you cannot go wrong when you follow your heart. This is something I know to be true. It’s why I do the things I do–like writing to you and sharing this blog and these words with the world.

Love Always, R

the runner up

Dear Soulmate,

I’ve always been the runner up. It’s true. I’m the girl who is with a guy who, more often than not, is thinking of someone else. I’m the girl who has kissed guys all the while knowing that they are thinking of someone else.

This is not to say that this happens all the time, but most. And I’ll be honest, it gets old.

The worst part is that I’ve never quite been “the one.” I do not mean this in the marriage sense, but just in the satisfied, I’d-rather-be-with-you kind of way. Sometimes all I want is to just be that girl who is, most simply, somebody’s someone.

That’s of course where you come in. Until then though, I’ll be the runner up–which is quite possibly the worst thing to be when it comes to love.

Love Love, R

p.s. while i love love reading through e-mails from readers, i’d love it even more if you’d be willing to share your story on the blog! what does your letter say?

say what you need to say

Dear Soulmate,

I’ll admit I used to play mind games. I used to tell guys exactly the opposite of what I was really feeling for them. I used to run from them when all I really wanted was to run to them. I used to shrug off the idea of love, talking only about it in casual conversation. I used to do all these things as a way of protecting myself and my heart.

Little did I know that I was only hurting myself.

If you’ve ever been one to say the opposite of what you feel, had too much pride to admit to someone that they’ve hurt you, then I can pass along something I learned this weekend that has changed the way I look at love.

I woke up this morning to a blinding summer sun that streamed in through my bedroom window. I squinted to open my eyes to the reality of my hangover. And then I felt a familiar feeling of hurt that I thought I had boxed away and put into the attic of my mind, never to be opened again.

For anyone who has been keeping up with these letters, it’s no suprise that I have been hurt in the past. Most people have. I always reason that it’s not shameful because it demonstates the depths of your feelings.

And in the lingering haze of my Sunday morning, I decided to lace up my running shoes to clear my head–my favorite remedy for a mental hangover.

As I ran down the dirt road alongside the ocean, I thought about Saturday night. A friend of mine who I’ve shared a few crazy nights with recently brushed me aside in a cold-shoulder kind of way for no reason… to the point where he didn’t even say goodnight to me. It was a vast departure from the night before.

I felt frustrated, cheated, and the worst of ALL feelings–that makes me cringe to even think about, let alone type–used. More importantly, I began to reevaluate him as a friend. I started to wonder if he was actually one of those guys–the kind who checks girls, even those he’s friends with, off their list and then ignore.

But rather than muse over this any longer I decided to confront him. As it turns out he nearly beat me to it. He said he regretted last night and before he spoke any further I said I appreciated that he confronted me. And then I told him that I deserved to be treated a lot better than that, and that I am not mad at him, but rather simply relieved he’s not that mean of a person. When he apologized I immediately felt stronger.

As cliche as it sounds… Saturday night proved to be such a little episode that taught me so much. It is the most rewarding feeling in the world to stand your ground, say how you feel, and know that you are in control of your heart.

It is with unreserved enthusiasm that I write this letter to you now… letting you know that all these little experiences are going to lead me to you.

Love Love, R

p.s. my advice to you, dear readers, whether you are simply having a fun short-lived fling, or are in a lifelong marriage, say what you need to say… i promise you’ll be happy when you do!

opposites attract?

Dear Soulmate,

It’s often been said that we all look like we feel. It’s been sung before in lyrics, and written down in poetry. I even heard a radio announcer brush by the topic today in between playing songs. I never really gave much thought to this idea until now…

Last weekend was one of those rare weekends that come around only so often. I saw some old friends who I hadn’t seen in a year and I was back home again. I was quickly seduced by the fog on the bay, the late afternoon sun on the lawn and those stars–those breathtakingly mesmerizing stars that have witnessed so much yet said so little.

There is something about summertime that makes me feel alive again. This idea that we look like we feel reminds me that happiness attracts happiness. It is a basic principle that took me awhile to understand: if you look and feel happy, you will attract that kind of energy into your life.

The catch is that this isn’t always easy. In one of my favorite books, The Time Traveler’s Wife, author Audrey Niffenegger writes: “Don’t you think it’s better to be extremely happy for a short while, even if you lose it, than to be just okay for your whole life?”

What do you think?

Happiness isn’t always easy. But when it does come around, in small bursts or for a long-term stay, it is richly rewarded.

Going back to this idea that we all look like we feel, I can honestly say that when I am beaming with happiness, good things happen. Positivity is what it’s all about.

And who said opposites attract?

Love Love, R

i’ll be seeing you/in all the old familiar places

Dear Soulmate,

There are certain people and places that bring you back to yourself–that ground you and make you feel whole once again.

Last night I caught up with an old summertime friend over dinner and a bottle of wine. I hadn’t seen her in nearly a year so we had more than enough to talk about. The more we fell deeper into conversation and laughter, the more I felt like I was coming home.

I cannot articulate the feeling I get when I reunite with old friends from home. It’s strange and beautiful to be overwhelmed with a kind of happiness and love that seems to sweep away all the wintertime cobwebs that tangle my heart in its coldness and solitude–leaving me feeling lost and vulnerable.

And just when I feel at a loss for words, I am swept off my feet by the feeling of going home. It’s really a love affair I have with this echanting place where I return to every summer.

Home has a way of bringing you back to yourself. Whenever I feel lost, I find myself there.

There is something so rich and rewarding about returning home after a long year away. Reuniting with familiar faces, running down my favorite dirt road, tasting the salt on my skin and feeling the weight of the summer sky overhead remind me that anything is possible. And I wonder now, as I write, is it possible to be seduced by a place? I think so.

But even more than that, it is completely and wholly possible to be seduced by love.

Love Love, R

p.s. I had to change my ringtone (for perhaps the third time in my life) to Mat Kearney’s “Closer to Love.” Why? Because that’s the song I love listening to most when I drive home. Kind of an odd thing to do, but isn’t it crazy that something as simple as a ringtone can bring you such happiness sometimes?

on writing to you

Dear Soulmate,

I keep coming back to an e-mail that I received last summer from a reader. As I read through the lengthy letter, I paused when I came to the question: how do you keep up such optimism and faith in love?

Even now, 10 months later, I find myself coming back to that line and it puzzles me still.

After I read that e-mail, I closed my laptop and headed out for coffee. I remember seeing a friend and sitting down with her at one of the picnic tables outside. As she casually flipped through her magazine I asked her if she believed in soulmates. ‘No’ she said, most simply, as she flipped over a new page to study the pictures. I sat there and wondered… who am I writing to then?

Feeling both a little lost and hopeless, I reopened my computer to reply to the e-mail that had been circulating in my head all morning. My response ultimately came down to the idea that you have to believe in something.

It’s not always easy, but beliefs are what make things real. I know this much because it is only when they are taken away when you feel something. Only when you believe in someone and they let you down do you feel heartbreak and a loss for words. But still, in spite of everything, you believe in something because it is better to feel hurt than to feel nothing at all.

So it is with sincere optimism that I return to write you again, dear soulmate, in the hope that one day you will reply.

Love Love, R

just me

Dear Soulmate,

If you want to know who I am, it can best be explained through how I spent my weekend. 

I woke up Saturday morning and went for a long run along the Charles. All of Boston appeared to be glowing across the river in the morning sunlight. Sails were being hoisted and rowing shells were being gracefully pushed through the water by long sturdy oars. Onward I went, carrying summer with me in my stride.

Later, after a brisk cool shower, I exchanged my running shoes for my flip flops. I slid into my summer clothes- the ones I usually only dream about wearing and instead have to don heavy sweaters and wool jackets. But not this weekend. It was 94 in Boston!

Then I headed out with a friend to the beach for the afternoon. In the car I stripped the sunroof back and played Kenny Chesney… letting my mind switch gears into summer mode. The ice cubes in my iced coffee rattled in the center console as I shifted gears and headed north on 95. 

It was a beautiful day.

On Sunday I went back to the beach again, this time absent of company. Instead I gathered a stack of my favorite magazines and set my iced coffee in the sand beside me. I watched the waves curl in front of me and felt the mid-morning sun soothe away any anxieties. 

I looked out to the Atlantic through my aviators, as far as my eyes could reach. It still was not enough to see you, though. But I will be forever looking.

Love R

p.s. check out this week’s “your soulmate, your letter”

the blind date: love is blind?

Dear Soulmate,

I would not call it a blind date, but I may be going out to dinner with someone who my friends all insist I have to meet. This Saturday my friends are arranging a casual group dinner so I can finally be introduced to the guy who they think would be a wonderful match.

And while I would normally jump at any oportunity to meet someone who is deemed a “wonderful match” for me, I am hesitant, comtemplative and feeling more subdued than excited.

The beauty of the situation is that I essentially have nothing to lose, and a potential friend to gain.

But even still, the thought of being romantically involved with someone right now makes my head spin.

There are so many things I do miss about being cared about- and they are simple, too. It is the little moments like when I’m driving and reach to shift gears and feel his hand take mine instead. Or when he pulls me toward him just because he can. Or when, in the midst of all the noise outside, I would look into his eyes and felt the world quiet and heard only silence.

And suddenly, as easily as that, I was so completely lost in love.

And now I am making my way back out of the fog and into the sun once again. Love is blind… but should dates be, too?

Love, R

no place for me

Dear Soulmate,

It is difficult to write to you today. It’s hard for me to picture myself happy and in love ever again.

They say that you never forget your first love. The memories, though, get overridden. The damage has already been done. She has already done everything that I did. She has been to all the places where I have been. She already has his heart and he has most likely given her everything in return. He is proud to have her, his first girlfriend.

There is no place for me anymore.

I feel like I am waiting for my next flight out to “move on” … someplace miles away where he can’t hurt me anymore.

Someday you and I will meet. Someday I will laugh again and smile. And I will love you like no one has before. I will overwrite those other loves, and show you know what real love really is. I will show you how powerful it can be, how it can move you to become someone better than you ever thought you could be.

And the distance between us right now is more than a thousand miles and a million words. All we are right now are stangers.

But I am getting closer. Wait for me.

Love, R

to those who wait

Dear Soulmate,

I will never forget the way he let me go.  I will never forget how he led me on to let me down. And you never forget how you felt after you walked away from someone you tried to love, but failed.

And as Valentine’s Day approaches, it would be impossible for me to feel disappointed or let down. Things are different now. Roses belong to women in love and knights in shining armour belong to fairy tales.

And in spite of all of this, I still believe in you.

I do not want you to feel sorry for me. Know that my adventures in love have left me older and wiser. Know that I am grateful for how wonderful my life is and for all the people in it who have helped make it that way. I do not want you to think that I dream in black and white and no longer in color.

Because I still dream about you, and when I do, I feel alive.

I often wonder about the people I pass on sidewalks. I cannot help but think that we are all on a great journey together to find someone who will give us direction and purpose. Call me crazy but I still believe in love, despite all the hardships I read about in the world on black and white newsprint.

And for everyone struggling with the trivial festivities of this “holiday,” know that your days to come will be filled with the love of a thousand Valentine’s Days. You may even forget how it felt to walk away from someone who never deserved your love.

Hold your head up, good things come to those who wait. And I’ll wait for you.

Love, R

laying out the hearts

Dear Soulmate,

I always thought he was attractive, in the mysterious distant way that is most easily defined as ‘ignorance is bliss.’ Though I rarely think of him outside of our weekly meetings, I will admit that he often garners my attention when we are in the same room.

And at a staff meeting yesterday, when a friend and I arrived early, he came out of his office and introduced himself to me. Although we have worked together for some time, I appreciated the formal introduction that had gone neglected for so long.

As more people arrived, we began to talk amongst ourselves, exchanging stories of life and love. My friend chimed in saying that those who are most successful in finding love are those who never intentionally look for it.

We all agreed that fate does play its cards in laying out the hearts.

And so I left the meeting feeling satisfied in the way that only good, stimulating conversation can leave you feeling. Outside the night air was alive with energy as taxis streamed down Boston’s busy streets. As I walked with my hands in my pockets in the direction of the subway station, I felt content to be alone, even as love struck couples passed me on the slippery sidewalk.

The platform of the subway station appeared empty at first. The tapping of my boots against the cement sent echoes through the tunnel walls. As I reached the edge of the platform, I began to unravel my headphones from around my iPod. I then turned to my left, and thinking that I was alone, I saw him, and only him, standing beneath the musty glow of the station’s overhead lights, waiting for the same train.

Caught off gaurd, and completely unexpecting to see him, I smiled and began to walk toward him with a confidence that even I did not recognize.

“Hey there,” I said, as I stood in front of him. He looked up to return my smile, equally surprised as I.

Love, R

p.s. if you have a story similar to this and would like to share, feel free to submit it! next week’s “your soulmate, your letter” will be chosen on Sunday and featured on Monday. How do you say ‘i love you’?

giving love

Dear Soulmate,

Call me crazy but I have not yet done my Christmas shopping. The reason for this is because I celebrate Christmas. That’s right- I celebrate the kind of Christmas that exisits without the passing around of shiny wrapped presents.

I believe that presents become magical when they arrive on a sleigh in the middle of the night. They take on a new meaning when they make the recipients eyes light up in disbelief that Santa traveled all the way around the world to every house in a matter of mere hours.

Do not get me wrong, I do believe in giving. I make chocolates, wrap them in ribbons. I make books, pictures framed to capture a moment in time and I am never short on giving hugs. But it is difficult for me to give someone I care about a sweater and have it mean something as special as inviting them to dinner by the fire with good wine and music that lingers like laughter in and out of the rooms.

I believe in giving love- all kinds of beautiful love. The kind of love that is too beautiful to hide behind a glossy wrapper and too precious to tie with satin ribbons. I believe in giving the kind of love that you deserve, that I will forever give to you each day and always.

This to me is the genuine spirit of the holidays that should exist for more than just a day.

But understand that Christmas is not all jingle bells and candy canes. It is not always a joyful carol that is sung, and it can be a difficult essence to capture. If you’ve been hurt you may be feeling reserved- feeling like your love was denied. Never stop giving it. There will always be people around you who are waiting to see you smile, to hear you laugh and to feel you love them.

So this season I simply ask you to forget those things that have gone unforgiven. Whatever holiday you celebrate- may you celebrate it with purpose, meaning and love.

Love, R

dreaming by the fire

Dear Soulmate,

A glass of wine, a roaring fire and the glow of Christmas lights from the wreath hung above the mantle describes my  most ideal way to unwind on a cold Saturday night.

under the glow of the moon

Truthfully,  I am still exhausted from such a long week. I am still keeping up with e-mails and such but I know that after I write to you that I will close my laptop and set it on the table, where it will hopefully remain in solitude for the next few hours- just like me.

I hope this evening finds you well. I am thinking of you, as always. You know those seemingly nagging people who always tell you that you can’t go back? They are almost as inescapable as those people from your past who you reconsider reuniting with just for the sake of being wanted or needed again.

I had a dream last night about a boy who I dated briefly during high school. I have not thought about him in years, but I do remember how well he treated me. I cannot recall what went wrong, or what prompted our time to end.

If you believe that everything happens for a reason then you have probably saved yourself from otherwise agonizing hours of analyzing all the avenues of “what -ifs” and “what could have beens.”

For now though, to spare myself of the complications of opening up my high school yearbook and turning the pages of time, I will simply sit here and long for you.

If you were here, I would tell you to put another log on the fire and pour yourself a glass of wine.

Outside the glow of the waning full moon would fall across the staircase, leading us from the warmth of the fire elsewhere.

All my love, R

where love used to be

Dear Soulmate,

Is it possible to miss someone whom you have never met?

This question has been on my mind for quite some time now. Perhaps it is the absence of a love that used to be that makes me long for a restorative kind of love to fill the void.

Because once you have walked beside someone you have loved, the walk is that much longer alone. Once you have held the hand of someone you have loved, your hands no longer feel as warm in their absence. Once you have sat in silence beside someone you have loved, you long for some kind of distracting noise when they have left. Anything to fill the silence- to fill the empty space where love used to be.

Where are you, dear soulmate? The first snow of the season has fallen outside my window and I dare not venture outside to make footprints in the snow without you.

This is the season for romance, a time for love.

Someday I know you will walk with me for miles, in what will feel like only a few feet in your company. Someday I know you will warm my cold hands. You will sit beside me and I will wonder, in silence, how I ever lived my life without you.

I know these things because I believe in you that much.

Love, R

stand by me?

Dear Soulmate,

You know those days when you just feel like the world is asking too much from you? These are the days when I feel like running back to my warm bed and hiding from the world- my equivalent of putting up a “not in service sign.”

please do not disturb

The best way I have learned to deal with a bad day is simply to let it in. And when it rains it pours. But once I have decided that my day is going to be slightly off key it is like I have triggered the fall of the first domino in a long and winding chain.

I have found that most of my bad days are a result of interactions with people, and not things like spilling coffee or being late for an important meeting.

I have learned that people are not always going to like you. They will not always agree with you. Some will intentionally push you around and let you down. But the important thing to remember is that you are who you are, and in the wise words of Sex and the City’s leading lady Carrie Bradshaw, “that’s just fabulous.”

The best part about having an off day is being able to laugh about it later, however still stressed out or exhausted you may be. There is nothing quite so humbling as sitting down at the end of the day and enjoying the company of someone who really knows you, who will stand by you regardless.

These people are difficult to find, but they make life worth the trials of every bad day.

So I wonder, where are you now that my day is over?

Love and cheers,
R

in love with love

Dear Soulmate,

These letters to you have attracted such intrigue and have generated such great questions that I feel it is necessary to give attention to where it is due. Some comments I have received have been regarding the tone of the letters; more specifically if the blog is optimistic or the latter.

Let me perhaps address the intention for writing to you and then the pieces may fall into place and paint a better picture of my personal beliefs on love.

First, I want to tell you a story. This is a story that does not begin with once upon a time, but from a once little girl who grew up believing that all stories began that way, even tragedies, it is certainly possible.

I am fortunate to have grown up with a beautiful family and wonderful friends. I am truly grateful for how my story has been written thus far and there is not a page I would regret as I have learned so much from both the ups and downs.

I fell in love once. It was a beautiful two year on and off rollercoaster of emotions- the kind of rollercoaster that makes you want to hold your breath at the high parts to savor the moment, and make you want to scream on the way down. I suppose all rollercoasters do just that.

But dating and people’s reaction to love in my generation is fundamentally different than in previous times. The hook-up culture, which I just wrote a magazine enterprise article about, is what dominates the landscape of modern dating. I did not need to research the topic further to learn that acts of love that used to be considered romantic have now been replaced with labels like ”creepy” or “stage five clinger.”

I think back to my parents relationship where my mom transferred colleges to be in the same town with my dad after only a month or so of dating. Today it is not uncommon to find that even talking about pursuing a relationship with someone who you have been intimately involved with for a short period of time, may seem too forward or clingy. Of course there are always exceptions, though.

But consider for a moment if someone built you the house of your dreams. Would you think it was romantic or a stalker-like act of desperation?

I am sure that in Nicholas Sparks’ “The Notebook,” a story set in the 1950s, you may have considered that romantic.

My point, soulmate, is that my experience with love in my generation have made it difficult for me to believe in that “old fashioned” love. It’s not that modern love is any less great than the love of yesterday, but being the nostalgic romantic that I am, I keep coming back to wondering how relationships will evolve with the times. I sometimes feel like an outsider as I wait for someone to approach me and introduce himself in person. While many of my friends would consider that to be creepy, I think it is flattering and endearing. It is real.

In keeping with the times though I decided to create this blog with the intention of sharing with people my thoughts: how I see the world. Understand that it is not through rose colored glasses but through the lenses of a curious girl who is deeply fascinated by love.

At the end of the day, love is love. I agree with many readers that there is certainly more than one person who you may be compatable with. I would be a hypocrite if I said there is only one soulmate per person as I was very much taken by my first love, as most people are.

I am looking for the next great chapter, the next great love.

This blog is essentially the product of love- how it inspires you, lifts you up, takes you to unexpected places. While there are days you want to curse the ones who have let you down, who made you feel undeserving of love, you keep coming back to it. Love is something that I would argue is seemingly impossible to ignore.

It’s difficult. It challenges you. It changes you. But if this blog has in any way inspired you to believe in it more, then I have succeeded. Just remember though that love is a rollercoaster, as is life.

But it finds you. And if you’re really lucky, it may leave you wondering how you ever lived without it.

All my love, R