if you’re in new york…

Dear Soulmate,

I’m writing to you from a New York bound train where I’m comforted by the movement and passing scenery. Am I the only who feels like anything is possible and within reach on a train to New York?

They say that you go to New York with a dream. Well, mine is nothing shiny and larger than life, yet it still feels out of reach. And, ironically, my dream is not one of love, but of passion instead.

I only wish to follow my heart in such a way that it benefits others as well as myself. I have expectations–great expectations–for myself. The challenge will be living up to them.

I know the city lights of New York will pose a temporary distraction from loneliness, but after living in cities like Boston and Dublin, I know that city life breeds loneliness if you let it. The abrasive edges of a city skyline are cold and foreboding. The shuffling of strangers on sidewalks can remind you that you are more alone than you thought you were.

But I’m not taking loneliness to New York, though I doubt that it won’t find me at some point. The struggle is keeping positive, and knowing that no matter how greatly you’ve loved in the past, there’s still more to give.

If you’re in New York now, or are on your way, keep an open heart. You never know what will find you… or who you’ll meet.

Love Love, R

would you speak up?

Dear Soulmate,

I didn’t sleep last night. I stayed up tossing and turning in my sleep, wondering if temporarily falling into a dream would be enough to ease the nightmare of the day’s events.

In the light of the full moon that fell across my bedroom floor, I began to recall the line of yesterday’s e-mail when he said he could stay in New Zealand indefinitely.

Wasn’t I enough to make him come home? If not him, then who? How much more of a connection can you have with someone? We were on top of the world together last summer.  But with so much time and distance working against us, will I be just another chapter in his story?

I prepared myself for potentially going years without seeing him, months without being in contact, but how do you prepare yourself for when someone you are so madly in love with tells you they might never come back.

If you’ve been following this blog over the years then you know I’ve learned a ton about love, especially in these past two years. I thought I was strong and capable enough to fall in love again and endure any consequence that may result from doing so. But now I feel like I’m right back at square one, devastated at the thought of losing someone I was sure was the one for me.

So now I’m soliciting you, dear reader, for advice. What would you do if you were in my shoes? Would you speak up?

Love Love, R

never been here

Dear Soulmate,

I’m in a place I’ve never been before. Love is one of those bizarrely gray areas that is never entirely black or white.

I am suddenly torn between meeting someone I fell absolutely in love with instantly–even if only for a few weeks in the summer–and missing someone from long ago.

The reality is that this person from the summer is traveling now. He’s in New Zealand and doesn’t quite keep up with modern-day means of communication… e-mails are few and far in between.

So I’ve gone back and forth, between wanting to be with him and going back to who I was before–the girl who only dreamt of someone like him. I never quite imagined though that someone like him would leave. I suppose now I’m looking for someone who will simply stay.

Is that asking so much?

It’s hard too because I am reminded of the times I’ve been let down before… That familiar feeling of being left behind comes back to me every now and then–just enough to make me feel heartbroken all over again.

Love Love, R

p.s. i love reading your letters, dear readers… they’re lovely and they make my day. i will continue to post and share them here on the site soon! love always.

people in love

Dear Soulmate,

Do you ever dream about an inescapable love from your past? Last night I dreamt about him again, the one who left me with so many unanswered questions. But our story is not a tragedy, he made me happier than I’ve ever been, and for that I am forever grateful to him.

I woke up this morning feeling a peace of mind than I have felt in a long time. My dream was elusive, as most dreams are. I cannot explain where I was or what I was doing, but I was with him. And as I have mentioned previously, when he walks into my dreams he usually destroys them.

He is often cold and unforgiving, always leaving and never answering my questions. But this dream was different. We were together, like a team. We were unstoppable, invicincible, and I was happy again.

People often notice people in love. They are glowing and alive in a way that is impossible to emulate. This is how I used to feel, and hope to one day feel again, with you.

I do not wish to go back, for I know now that time has turned the pages and history has written chapters of my life that cannot be altered. I miss him and will always love him, but I will love you, too. Give me some time and you will see that you are everything to me.

You will learn that I have waited so long for wonderful, and that every night, hour, minute in your absence has been worth the wait.

Love, R

want to write to someone you love in your past or future?

when he walked into my dreams

Dear Soulmate,

I’m sitting in one of my favorite chairs, sipping tea and am surrounded by a stack of work and projects that demand completion. I have yet to read the Sunday paper- the delay mainly attributed to the fact that I  slept in late for perhaps the first time all year. But I figure it’s the weekend and there is no better time to indulge in good things such as rest and relaxation than on a Sunday morning.

Last night I had the most unusual dream. I dreamt I reunited with the boy who has haunted me in so many unimaginable ways since we took separate roads so many months ago. And last night he returned, asking me back, like he had done so many times before in real life. But his actions were unusual, even for a dream.

All the times I have dreamt about him in the past he has been unresponsive, never acknowledging my presence, always subjecting me to the cold shoulder that leaves me to wake up feeling hurt and conflicted.

But last night when he walked into my dreams, he did not steal the best of me as he usually does. Instead he wanted me, and was begging me to reconcile. And rather than give in, I just stood there and told him it was too late. The damage had already been done and there was no way we could go back to the way we were.

And as much as I wanted to take him back, even concious that I was in a dreamlike state as your mind will sometimes remind you of, I did not even want to go back there. Not even in a dream, where there are no consequences to your actions.

It’s time to move on to other things. It’s a new month afterall. And so I urge you to do the same, and keep in mind one of my most favorite quotes: “You do your thing, I’ll do mine. And if in the end we end up together, it’s beautiful.”

Love, R

the here and now

Dear Soulmate,

They say that dreams are your suppressed thoughts. Does that mean that whenever you have a dream about someone you loved from your past that you are really still in love with them?

Last night I awoke in tears, for the second time in my life. The dream I had just had was vivid, alive and felt as real as the events that transgressed last summer that left me feeling shattered like glass upon a tiled floor.

They say that time heals everything, which up until this morning I firmly believed. But the dream that I had was held at a memorial service for the one who I most recently lost in my life. I was about to deliver the speech that I prepared when upon looking out into the crowd, I saw him.

But he was not alone.

Instead he had his arms wrapped around another girl. I felt more hopelessly broken than I had in the past. How, I wonder, could love be so cruel?

In the morning light I found myself in the same troubled and inescapable state of mind. The expression on my face yielded a friend to ask what had happened, as though my thoughts were an open book. Like most receptive friends do, they realize when something is amiss.

“Maybe, you are not trying hard enough to get over him,” they said as I walked out of the room.

I thought about it for a moment, as I most always do when people who I trust offer me their advice. But for half a year now I have been optimistically trying to write the next chapter in my love life, despite that the previous pages of my story feel shredded, with words that bleed with ink from the tears I’ve cried.

Maybe I’m trying too hard to move on. Maybe I’m not trying hard enough. Maybe, I thought, I should just stop  trying and let life take me where it will.  Perhaps I should instead focus my energy on what really matters: right now.

So today I have decided just to breathe and not think about anything else but today. I have allowed my thoughts to wander only as far as asking what will happen today?

Love is crazy. But in spite of everything, isn’t it a beautiful journey?

Love, R

the view from the city upon a hill

Dear Soulmate,

There has never been a more awe-inspiring, wondrous time to be an American than now. Never before in my lifetime has an election drawn as much coverage, attention and people than last night’s spectacle. Anyone watching or participating will agree that last night was more than politics.

There is something to be said for the crowds that poured into Grant Park in Chicago, something to be said for the people who stood outside the White House, cheering and waving the American flag. Never before in my life has American sentiment been so beautifully displayed.

Last night was much more than politics.

As the American flags adorned the stage behind the newly elected 44th president of the United States, waves of patriotism were reignited when each flag unfolded its stars and stripes once more into the winds of change.

Nothing has given me more pride today than unfolding the newspapers, crossing one of Boston’s busier one way streets, switching subway lines, smiling at the woman behind the counter who handed me my coffee, all while being an American.

I feel like standing upon the hill of my own great city, where the American story all began, and declaring, “Look at me, world, here I am.”

The challenges this country will endure in the next few years are vast, the struggles and the difficulties spread far and wide. I am, however, confident in the nation’s ability to meet these obstacles with civility and honor. I am confident in this country to ease partisanship and promote unity, with the grace and wisdom to know the consequences of these differences.

For me, the meaning of last night’s election exceeding my expectations. For a long time I have held great fascination for John Winthrop’s “A Model of Christian Charity” speech that led me to pry open history books; recreating America’s story through words from all angles; economic, political, cultural, and moral perspectives.

The history of the United States, I realize, is a romantic story. It starts with the dream, a vision, of a land of freedom, liberty and equality. It starts with the people.

It starts with Paul Revere riding into Lexington, Mass. It starts with John Adams advocating independence in Boston courtrooms. It starts with Benjamin Franklin using newspapers as an agent for change in Boston’s financial district. It starts with the people.

I cannot express how meaningful last night was for me to witness the newly elected president restore in me that feeling of true patriotism that I always felt only belonged in history books; to the heroes of American history in the late 18th century.

Last night was so much more than politics. It was about the people and our fearless story of returning to our founding principles that set us apart:

“For we must consider that we shall be as a city upon a hill. The eyes of all people are upon us” – John Winthrop, 1630

Love, R