raining in new york

Dear Soulmate,

It’s raining here in New York. It’s been raining for an entire week. The streets are slick and the parks are lush in their new green coats. Umbrellas parade down the avenues and rain boots create ripples in the puddles where they stand.

He called me yesterday to see if we could talk. It seems the perfect weather to do so. It’s the kind of weather that’s synonymous with apologies and goodbyes, but I can no longer afford to be that girl who waits for the rain to let up.

Instead, I kept with my routine and went for a run along the Hudson River. An old friend of mine asked me to meet him for happy hour drinks later, and I suggested a bar where one of the bartenders caught my eye earlier this week… much to my date’s dismay.

But if I’ve learned anything from the past, it’s that you can’t let the rain dictate the way you go about your day any more than you can let upsets in love. There are too many beautiful things to look forward to.

And if you don’t believe me, wait until the sun comes out.

Love Love, R

i’m the next bachelorette!

Dear Soulmate,

There are some guilty pleasures I should never admit to… like how I could spend an entire day wrapped up in some romantic novel that is by no means relevant to fine literature. Or how I much prefer to spend the day lounging around the house in a bathrobe that I stole from a tropical resort than in actual clothes.

But perhaps my most sinfully guilty pleasure (besides anonymously blogging… even my friends and family don’t have this website address!) is watching The Bachelorette… and actually enjoying it.

Of course anyone can fall in love when they are given a slew of attractive men who are all chasing after them. Couple this with moonlit strolls down a beach, bottles upon bottles of fine wine and champagne, helicopter rides over snow-capped mountains and hikes through lush tropical escapes. But do all these mindfully orchestrated over-the-top dates really yield love? I would argue lust first.

Although in truth, I have had some incredible “bachelorette” moments of my own that have yielded neither love nor lust, but instead a greater appreciation for life.

I recall a sunset sail with a bottle of champagne with a good friend of mine. I wore his cashmere sweater as we tacked back and forth up the channel and in between islands off of Maine’s coast. The weather was perfect, the company divine, the sunset picturesque. Even my friends admitted to being a bit jealous that my single life was more romantic than the reality of their relationships with their boyfriends.

But my point, dear soulmate, is that it does not matter where you are or what you are doing. It is who you are with, and how you connect to them. As I watched last night’s season finale of The Bachelorette, I could not help but wonder if the dates has been less glamorous, if the end result would be the same.

What are your thoughts? Are true colors revealed based upon the different scenarios people are in?

To each his own I suppose. But maybe what it all comes down to is that you don’t need to be on tv to be the next bachelorette.

Love, R

i’m the last romantic

Dear Soulmate,

I may be the last romantic out there… but I’ll also be the last person to ever settle.

As I sat on Boston Harbor yesterday, drinking a beer and catching up with a good friend, she put an interesting spin on an otherwise exhausted topic.

She described my love life in an impressively thoughftful analogy: “You’re driving full speed, sixth gear, to a place that may not exist.”

I nodded in agreement as she paused to take a sip of her drink.

“You’re in the HOV lane… with the cement median separating you from all the other cars. You’re the one that can’t take the exits because you are off in your own lane. You aren’t keeping your options open and you’re missing out on other opportunties that are just passing you by.”

I could not help but agree with my friend. And it wasn’t because she has known me since I was six years old, but because she actually and genuinely hit the nail on the head.

I refuse to settle. I want the fairy tale. I want to be courted. I want old fashioned charm and romance. But just because I refuse to settle doesn’t mean I can’t give others a try.

So I suppose what better time than now to rid myself of my committment to the fast lane and try the others instead.

For so long as I’m moving, I know we’re getting closer.

Love, R

p.s. if you read this blog, do you consider yourself ‘the last romantic’?

i need a guy’s perspective

Dear Soulmate,

I should be concentrating my energy elsewhere but I cannot seem to escape the events that trangressed this past weekend that left me feeling dazed and confused.

Do all guys behave this way? Can some intelligent man please explain to me why guys can act so distant and cold?

I am ready to move on and forgive him for everything. I have taken the high road and accepted his change of heart. He is even in a relationship now with someone else. But still, he didn’t even have the nerve to acknowledge me when I saw him for the first time on Friday night after a year.

Why does he go out of his way to make me feel invisible? Honestly, is this just immaturity?

Any advice would be much appreciated.

Love, R

raising the bar

Dear Soulmate,

The other night I was sitting at a dimly lit bar when an older man called me over. After a brief introduction he proceeded to tell me that the two guys who I was hanging out with were “trash.” I glanced back at my seemingly respectable two guy friends who were not only attractive, but pretty decent company.

I realized though that my two guy friends were in their 20s- a decade that most older men envy for its freedom but regret for its inexperience.

Without explaining to this older stranger that I was not romantically involved with either of my friends, I asked him to justify his awfully presumptuous comment instead.

And he had nothing to say.

Turns out I was right: older men can be just as bad with words as their younger counterparts.

Just as I was about to turn away, discouraged that I had attracted another ‘winner’, this stranger pulled my arm and asked me what I looked for in a guy.

I looked around the bar- at my two good guy friends who I would never consider dating, at the bartender who was shaking a drink, and then at an older couple seated at a candlelit table.

“Love,” I said. It’s that simple.

And to be honest- that’s all I’ve ever wanted. Ridiculous, inconvienient, spontaneous, crazy, passionate, sweep-me-off my feet kind of love. And not the kind of love that fades in the morning light. I’ve already been someone’s someone for a day, a month, a year.

I want that kind of endless love.

So where is he?

Love, R

the blind date: love is blind?

Dear Soulmate,

I would not call it a blind date, but I may be going out to dinner with someone who my friends all insist I have to meet. This Saturday my friends are arranging a casual group dinner so I can finally be introduced to the guy who they think would be a wonderful match.

And while I would normally jump at any oportunity to meet someone who is deemed a “wonderful match” for me, I am hesitant, comtemplative and feeling more subdued than excited.

The beauty of the situation is that I essentially have nothing to lose, and a potential friend to gain.

But even still, the thought of being romantically involved with someone right now makes my head spin.

There are so many things I do miss about being cared about- and they are simple, too. It is the little moments like when I’m driving and reach to shift gears and feel his hand take mine instead. Or when he pulls me toward him just because he can. Or when, in the midst of all the noise outside, I would look into his eyes and felt the world quiet and heard only silence.

And suddenly, as easily as that, I was so completely lost in love.

And now I am making my way back out of the fog and into the sun once again. Love is blind… but should dates be, too?

Love, R

why they call it a crush

Dear Soulmate,

I am in need of a distraction. The best one I suppose would be in the form of a handsome stranger. And the more I think about it, the more Thursday comes to mind. But maybe the reason I am even attracted to him in the first place is because I do not even really know him.

Maybe I have spent too much time making him out to be a wonderful person in my head when I should be taking the time to get to know him instead. Maybe I should simply consider that he could, in fact, be a nice guy, contrary to  my previous experiences with guys.

I suppose what has really kept me from getting to know him better is the idea that if he does not turn out to be who I envisioned then I will  have to deal with that disappointment. And then I will have to start all over again, searching for someone who I am attracted to.

I cannot even tell you why I have become so attracted to him. He has beautiful eyes, of course, but so do a lot of guys. He is from the west coast, which adds to the appeal. He is slightly taller than me which is a plus.

And when I watch romantic movies or see people out on dates together- I think of him and I doing the same. When I picture the arrival of spring in Boston, I picture us walking through the newly bloomed common with cups of coffee, lost in conversation. When I picture going to see a new movie that has just been released in theatres, I picture going there with him.

Even if these outings are only in my head, I can make believe, even if only for a moment, that my heart is full again and that I have never been hurt.

Love, R

a letter to the single ones

Dear Soulmate,

As I walked through the winding streets of the North End yesterday, in a desperate attempt to shield myself from the ever-invasive, unusually strong wind, I noticed a wet page from a newspaper that stubbornly clung to the sidewalk from the melted snowbanks.

The headline read in bold words, “Can’t buy me love.”

the best things in life are free

And that is exactly what I thought about as I made my way home. How silly and pretentious it is to buy roses and chocoloates as a means of saying “I love you.”

From my experiences in love, I have always felt that the most simple and unexpected gestures are always the most meaningful. Recall that feeling of finding one another’s gaze across a crowded room and smiling. Or when, in the middle of the night, you feel their hand pull yours closer toward them to rest it on their chest. Or even when they unexpectedly put their arms around you from behind as you read the mail in the kitchen.

These gestures all say, ‘I love you.’

And now I realize, as I have gotten used to sleeping alone and standing on my own two feet without the expectation of someone walking beside me, that maybe we have got Valentine’s Day all wrong.

It isn’t about a day for lover’s- for they celebrate Valentine’s Day everyday, and they do so in subtle, beautiful ways. Valentine’s Day is a day to remind people that they, too, will find that kind of love. It is a day for the single ones.

And while you cannot go out looking for love, you can at least open your heart to the possibility.

And no, no one can buy your love- it is too expensive.

Love, R

p.s. write your valentine today: “your soulmate, your letter”

outside of love: revelations on being single

Dear Soulmate,

As I sit here at my dining room table, afraid to even think about venturing outside and subjecting myself to winter’s dreadfully cold winds, I instead focus my thoughts on you- or the lack of you.

As I reflect back on Thursday night’s train ride with my seemingly handsome stranger/office crush, I think about how unlikely it was that we met, at that moment. As I walked home that night from the station, I wondered if the reason for our meeting was fate’s secret way of just saying, ‘go for it.’

boston's 'nightlife'

But whatever the reason I have decided to write off our chance encounter as merely another chapter filed in my mental catalog titled ‘don’t overanalyze.’

And rather than find comfort in the seemingly simple statement, ‘what’s meant to be will find a way,’ I will instead reside comfortably in the notion that being on the outside of relationships, also known as being single, sometimes has its advantages.

Rather than throw myself back into the fiery ring of love, I would rather just observe for the moment. I suppose I will continue to stand on the outside until I find someone who makes it worthy enough to jump back in.

Love and Cheers, R

play by your own rules

Dear Soulmate,

Whoever wrote the rules on love in the 21st century, was horribly mistaken. I understand that it is normal to meet someone at a party or bar under the influence of alcohol and develop a relationship around the ever-failing notion of no-strings-attached. But that doesn’t make it right.

While throwing rocks at someone’s window is not only outdated but unconventional, there are other gestures of love that are not as old fashioned. What about dates, like dinner and a movie? I was recently informed that “lunch dates” are the new dinner dates. The most noted reason for this is because it is convienent.

But in a more indirect way, the idea of going out for lunch with someone on a date negates the expectations of going home with them after and sets the romantic stage in a more casual light. How long are we going to pretend that we are all too busy for love?

When will we stop playing by societies rules of love, and embrace our own- no matter how old fashioned they may be?

And so now, dear soulmate and avid readers, I urge you to reconsider the 21st century ideals of what romance should be. Instead, I encourage you to foster your own throughts about love. Be original and creative- you’ll be surprised how far it will take you… perhaps even into the arms of someone you most deserve.

And as far as the 21st century is concerned- there are no rules on love.

Love and Cheers, R

p.s. what’s the bravest thing you would do to tell someone you love them? if you could write to your soulmate, what would you say? your soulmate, your letter

p.p.s. if you live in snowy regions of the world- how excited are you for spring?

celebrating change

Dear Soulmate,

Finally the streets of Boston are quiet.  Sunday’s subdued atmosphere has been enhanced by the falling snow that has inconveniently piled itself on the sidewalks outside. I love the way the world silences itself under the weight of snow. But even still, with the world seemingly at bay, there is much to be excited about.

As I neglect to put on my running shoes and jog the snow covered Harbor Walk in my leisurely Sunday routine, I have instead decided to catch up on the inauguration coverage instead.

obama express

And what a spectacular parade of excitement and energy this weekend has been.

But with all the anticipation for Tuesday’s swearing-in ceremony, I can’t help but wonder if all this build up is a good thing or a bad thing.

Remember that first date that you went on, where you picked out the most perfect outfit and spend hours getting agonizing over every detail, only to be disappointed? I have always believed in the statement that it is better to expect nothing and be pleasantly surprised.

I have a hunch that even without this four day celebratory parade that American’s would inevitably be more than pleasantly surprised by the transition of power.

But the more I watch the infectious coverage of the inauguration ceremonies, I realize that it is something much greater than concerts and speeches. It is an opportunity for American’s to come together and reflect upon Obama’s campaign promise of “change” and what that means for them.

And so I ask, what does this change mean for you?

Love, R

p.s. the first featured letter to a soulmate will be unveiled on the page “your soulmate, your letter” on monday. i appreciate all the responses!

your soulmate, your letter

the roaring twenties

Dear Soulmate,

According to my friend, there are two types of girls in their twenties: the kind that men date, and the kind that men marry.

all's fair in love and war

In the same conversation I exchanged with my friend over e-mail, she discussed how college guys and girls are stereotypically known for wanting to have fun and date around- to get it out of their system before they settle down.

This makes sense, but does this mean that you have to wait until men and women are in their late twenties/early thirties before considering a meaningful relationship that isn’t so disposable?

Of course not. But let’s be serious- finding genuine love at an alcohol-infused fraternity party or on a college campus where people consider dating just practice before the big game, is a tall order.

I’m a firm believer in chemistry. If there’s a great connection then anything can happen. But what if you find that great chemistry too soon? What if you find it in your late teens, or early twenties? Then do you abort your successful relationship in pursuit to date other people just to “get it out of your system?”

Of course there may never be answers to these questions- not even one a $135,000 bachelor’s degree can afford to give. But there is at least hope and optimism that there are exceptions to the rule.

No matter how many angles you analyze the subject from, one thing is certain: relationships are complicated and love is difficult, but both are worth it.

I believe that women can be both date-worthy and marriage material.

But rather than simply say “what’s meant to be will find a way,” I would instead encourage people to simply follow their own instincts when it comes to love.

If he or she is worth it- pursue him or her. If you don’t think it’s working out with him or her right now, then do something to change your situation.

But remain hopeful. Everyone is in the same boat- whether or not we are looking for it, we are all in need of love.

Love, R

on my way to you

Dear Soulmate,

January is beginning to take its wear on Boston. The sidewalks are coated with patches of unwanted ice and periodically sprinkled with sand and salt that accumulate to form a messy wintry slush. The subway and buses are crowded with tired scarf wrapped faces and newspapers printed with repetitive and discouraging headlines.

The phrase ‘happy new year’ seems as out of context as having a good day. Yes, it is January. And yes, it is the middle of winter. But resolutions aside, it is a hopeful time.

Although the 9 to 5 grind is  inconvenienced by freezing temperatures, and a a commute often riddled by inclement weather, the days are getting longer and a time of change is around the corner.

Winston Churchill once said that change is only good if it’s in the right direction. As I stood shivering in the cold waiting for the train to arrive at the station, I felt as though any change would suffice as an improvement. But it’s easy to feel this way when you are standing alone.

I recently heard a story about a man in his 70′s who had never been married but did in fact still date. While people may cast criticism on a seemingly eccentric serial dater, I saw a much different situation. In many ways I felt sympathetic and heartbroken.

The truth is that life is hard enough. Imagine going through it alone. I would wish that upon no one.

As the train took me through downtown, winding through underground tunnels, I felt that my direction of travel may not have been the one that led me to you- but it at least led me closer.

Every day I am moving toward you. Bit by bit, little by little we are getting closer. And when we finally meet we will both learn that the time we spent apart was worth the wait to find one another.

Love, R

i’m just not that into it

Dear Soulmate,

There are so many magazines and articles that are devoted to convincing you against what you try so hard to believe in.

Take articles published in women’s magazines for example that explain why men withdraw from perfectly good relationships. And the reasoning they give? Because men are too into you.

If that’s not confusing enough there are a myriad of publications that exceed the realm of magazines that convince you that “He’s just not that into you” and everything else that comes with that territory.

launches into theatres 2009

But why can’t it just be simple? Why can’t you fall and love and it fits? The more I read about failed relationships and faded love, the easier it becomes to believe it.

Am I the only one who sometimes feels jaded by what people are buying?

I suppose the easiest solution would be to simply ignore reading these books and magazines altogether. But it’s more than just publications. It’s movies, too. It’s an entire culture devoted to relationship how-tos.

But at the end of the day, enough is enough. There are no guidebooks that will tell you if it’s really meant to be. There are no movies that will convince you enough to wait in the pouring rain for that pivotal kiss from your potential soulmate.

No, there’s only right now. There’s only the reality that life is much more unpredictable and complicated than any magazine or movie could attempt to explain. But that’s what makes this crazy journey so spectacular.

I encourage you to live your own life- stay positive and optimistic.  This year belongs to us.

All my love, R