what you have over your ex’s new love

Dear Soulmate,

I once read that any kind of great love can never end well. I thought about this yesterday afternoon as I walked home from one of my favorite neighborhood oyster bars. I was tangled up in my own thoughts, consumed and confused by the notion that someone who doesn’t even know me, hates me.

I’m talking about when your ex’s new love interest despises you for no other reason than your history with that person. I shouldn’t have let it bother me, but it did.

I crossed over 6th Ave and continued on in the direction of my apartment. What difference had it made that I had been part of his past? There’s a reason why I’m not in his future. And after all, it wasn’t my decision in the first place.

But no matter how many blocks I tried to reason with someone who has never even talked to me, I began to think about how I felt the first time I heard about my current lover’s ex. And he has more than one at that.

Having never met her, I know her name, her height, her hair color, and where she’s from. I’m usually one to stand by my motto that ignorance is bliss when it comes to exes but I was curious about this one. They had dated for 5 years, on and off. She was, as anyone who has spent that amount of time with someone, a big part of his life.

When I finally saw his apartment for the first time, she was everywhere.

The entire refrigerator was a collage of their relationship–as if it was a play-by-play into their lives, together. Matching football jerseys, family Christmas parties, Halloween costumes–every relationship milestone was there, staring right back at me. And all I could see was friendship and love.

And, she was beautiful.

My heart sank at all the pictures, the memorabilia, the clutter of her things that she left behind when she moved out.

But what did she have over me?

Time.

That was all.

She had five beautiful years with him–something that may or may not happen for me.

And so that’s all I have over my ex’s new love. Time. We shared a lot of beautiful moments together, in our time.

And that’s the thing about love–there’s never enough time to spend with someone when you love them that much.

Love Love, R

“i hope he’s a really good guy”

Dear Soulmate,

“I hope he’s a really good guy.”

That’s what he wrote to me last week after learning over e-mail that I found someone new. That’s what he wrote from New Zealand to New York.

I sat at my computer, watched the rain fall outside my apartment window, hoping that he would say more than that.

And is he a good guy?

Yes. But this morning he lied about something and the trust between us wavered. I turned over in bed, putting my back to him. He tried to kiss me. He tried to make up for his mistake. He tried to apologize.

Somehow though, his apologies went unanswered, echoing down the long hallway of regret.

We had a cup of coffee and walked to the subway.

I didn’t have much to say this morning. I’m tired and disappointed. I want more than ever to send an e-mail to New Zealand from New York, saying you are the one who has me so completely. You are the one who has me thinking of you on this cold, rainy sidewalk on 7th Avenue, looking into the eyes of someone I do not feel as strongly for.

But I won’t send an e-mail, maybe just this post out into the void, hoping that someone somewhere will believe in love amidst all this noise.

I walked back to my apartment, climbed the stairs to my door. I feel alone again, halfway around the world from love.

Love Love, R

a new love

Dear Soulmate,

Where do I begin? So much time has passed since I last wrote you in January to inform you that I would be moving to New York. As it turns out, three months later, I’ve arrived.

I love New York. I love it for its energy, its passion, its conviction and its pulse. I’ve fallen in love with my Village apartment with its tall windows that lend a view of the backsides of neighboring low-rise buildings. I’ve fallen in love with the sounds from the avenues–streams of traffic humming along at all hours, quieting only in the early morning. I love the rumble of the trains, the frenzy of pedestrian traffic, and most of all, I love the stories that have been created here.

I’ve found a love here in New York too, although I know it is fleeting. He’s smart and funny, handsome and charming, but my heart is sold to the city.

I don’t belong to anyone right now, only to the rhythmn of my footsteps on the avenue that lead me someplace new and wonderful with every step I take, every corner I turn.

Love Love, R

welcome to the bright lights

Dear Soulmate,

I have a new love. It’s one that I never saw coming, but that’s usually how great love stories begin.

I’m in love with New York City, and it’s only just the beginning.

I leave Boston on Friday and will have the keys to my very first apartment in my hand by that afternoon. I’ve only recently been introduced to New York so the move is going to be one of excitement, skepticism and enchantment. As with all new loves, I’ll have to be cautious and play it safe. You can’t fall too fast or you risk losing it all.

But there’s a kind of permanence that’s deeply comforting when it comes to falling in love with places. Places, unlike people, don’t move. They’re always there. They never leave. You can wander, stray and set out for new unchartered paths your whole life, but where you’ve been geographically will always be there for you to return to whenever you turn back around. It’s a wonderful notion.

So for all those who have, are and will be embarking on a new chapter in New York City, like so many who have come before… welcome to the bright lights.

Love Love, R

if you believe everything happens for a reason

Dear Soulmate,

Do you believe in fate? If you believe that everything happens for a reason then you spend the majority of your life steered in a direction that’s dictated solely on the premise of it wasn’t meant to be, or it was meant to be.

I’ve failed countless times in my life. In most instances I’ve picked myself up and kept walking, though I might have changed my direction slightly. When it comes to trying the same course over and over, only to fail on repeated attempts, at what point do we say enough is enough?

To put in perspective, I looked at apartments in Boston during the spring. I found one that I liked and made an offer. The offer was declined and I gracefully accepted the defeat as a sign that Boston wasn’t meant to be. I tried New York–where I set my heart on two apartments whose offers both didn’t go through. Now I’m back to square one, left feeling sad and defeated–wondering if I should continue my pursuit to live in New York, or take this week’s experience as a sign to move in another direction.

Maybe it’s selfish to want a cozy apartment in New York City, to want the job that doesn’t necessarily better those around you but adds definition to your own life. Maybe it’s not the path for me.

All I’ve known my whole life is to give, because I’ve been given so much that it only seems natural to help those around me. Who knows what will be in these next few months, or where I will find myself… but one thing is certain, I’ll always be in love… and never will I ever give that up.

Love Love, R

on a bedside table

Dear Soulmate,

It’s midnight in Boston and I can’t sleep. Whenever sleep is reluctant to find me, I usually open my journal or my laptop and begin writing. My grandmother once told me that everyone should sleep with a notebook and pen on their bedside table so that when they wake up they can recount their dreams in writing. I have always found it a nice notion, although rarely ever have I put it into practice.

But tonight I feel like I’m dreaming awake as it has been an exciting past few days. I signed the lease on my first apartment in New York City. It’s small but practical. Already I have begun packing a box of miscellaneous treasures–sea glass, old vases, picture frames and white wooden letters that spell out SAIL when placed accordingly on the wall.

It’s a small space, but it is my own. I have a place in the world now, an address to call mine. It’s not much, one would argue, but it’s something.

Besides, if one had it all, what would they write in their journal on their bedside table?

Love Love, R

if you’re in new york…

Dear Soulmate,

I’m writing to you from a New York bound train where I’m comforted by the movement and passing scenery. Am I the only who feels like anything is possible and within reach on a train to New York?

They say that you go to New York with a dream. Well, mine is nothing shiny and larger than life, yet it still feels out of reach. And, ironically, my dream is not one of love, but of passion instead.

I only wish to follow my heart in such a way that it benefits others as well as myself. I have expectations–great expectations–for myself. The challenge will be living up to them.

I know the city lights of New York will pose a temporary distraction from loneliness, but after living in cities like Boston and Dublin, I know that city life breeds loneliness if you let it. The abrasive edges of a city skyline are cold and foreboding. The shuffling of strangers on sidewalks can remind you that you are more alone than you thought you were.

But I’m not taking loneliness to New York, though I doubt that it won’t find me at some point. The struggle is keeping positive, and knowing that no matter how greatly you’ve loved in the past, there’s still more to give.

If you’re in New York now, or are on your way, keep an open heart. You never know what will find you… or who you’ll meet.

Love Love, R

christmas lights

Dear Soulmate,

These days I see people hanging lights up on trees lining busy sidewalks, or on wreaths outside front doors, and sometimes I wonder if I’m the only one who wishes they were taking them down and putting them away.

Although Boston sparkles in the fading daylight with its ornately decorated trees, all I see is the glimmer and glamour of the kind of magic that can’t last.

I remember the way he held me last summer and the words he said as I stood in his driveway crying before I drove back down to Boston. He said New York would work, and that I’d be great there. Now, nearly four months later, I’m not so sure. I told him to try to keep in touch from South America and New Zealand, although I’m learning now how wrong I was in my assumption that he would.

So now I’m going down to New York again this weekend, but will be shifting my apartment search into sixth gear. I won’t be returning to Boston until I’ve signed a lease.

I realize though, that nothing lasts. Every year I find myself searching Christmas lights for the kind of warmth that held me from season’s passed. But I know now that months pass, years go by, and lights get put up as quickly as they get taken down.

So now, I’m going to go where the lights are always shining, and I can lose myself in the belief that everything is wonderful and bright, as it should be this time of year.

Love Love, R

everyone’s looking for love: true or false?

Dear Soulmate,

For the first time in a long time I’m not looking ahead and waiting for something. I’m not anticipating who I might meet around every city block, I’m not sipping wine and wondering where the myriad of possibilities in my mind will take me that evening and I’m not wishing on every shooting star I see, however rare they may be. I’m not waiting for the perfect apartment or the amazing job to just appear in search engines or through a phone call.

I don’t know what lies ahead, and, for the first time I’m okay with that.

The truth is that I’ve always been rushing. I’ve always been looking so far  ahead toward the next step that I lose focus of where I am. So for the first time, there is no next step. I’m just going to let it happen. I’m going to breathe, settle and hold fast to the notion that everything will work out for the best.

The key though, to letting time settle life’s uncertainties like dust in thin air, is to remain happy and optimist… knowing that it will all fall into place eventually.

So know that just because I’m not looking for you does not mean that I won’t find you.

Love Love, R

p.s. check out the currently featured your soulmate, your letter and don’t forget to submit your own. the reason, you ask? because how amazing would it be to connect people from around the world through anonymous love letters?